I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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