normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think i have herpe
just one?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
