Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize