I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
