i don't like sucking hair
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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