SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Randomize
