Life is so much better after having sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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