the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
