wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
