i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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