You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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