if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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