so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
