She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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