your parents love me but you hate me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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