come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
