yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
