I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
