She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
