So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
