i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
