sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
