They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
