you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
