my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
