I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
