If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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