he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
