No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
