Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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