i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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