im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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