I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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