you would pick up someone in the library
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.