You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.