How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
