I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
