worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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