Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
