Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
