If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize