Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
