i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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