Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
