Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
