i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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