My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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