lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
