i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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