Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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