i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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