She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the raccoons are back...
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