Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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