he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
