We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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