Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
