Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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