Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have demons in me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
