conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
