remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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