i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
that may or may not have been my penis.
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