yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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