how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
