At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
COCAINE IS GR8
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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