no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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