I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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