Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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